WE LIVE, WE MOVE

By Mena Ekua Feneba

“Hey. How are you?”

That’s the message of an ex after they have been a total arsehole and almost made you feel like dying. After God strengthens you to survive, they suddenly appear from God-knows-where and attempts to enter your life like they never left.

You are a Christian, God instructs you to overlook faults. So you overlook, but you don’t forget. Taking your leniency as your foolishness, this person calls you. You answer. Out of sheer graciousness. You are polite. Then at another day, they call again. And again. And again. And again that it becomes increasingly annoying. And all this time, there is no apology. And no explanation. Whether due to pride or prejudice or both or worse, a credible apology is not forthcoming. The last straw is when they attempt calling you very late at midnight. The audacity.

See, in a society that variously always dictates when you should start going to school, when you must graduate, when you must secure a job, when you must marry, when you must have children, what sex of children is palatable and etcetera, there is often a propensity for members of that society to kowtow to the various demands of the society. True, society does not expect her members to do unlawful things, engage in illegal affairs, children to be given to hard drugs, every person is mandated to respect the law. But where the society begins placing unreasonable expectation on its members such as when, who, how, and when you must marry and give birth, that society makes itself a burden to its people.

Many men, and many women (also) today, find themselves in bad relationships, bad marriages, bad workplaces because of unreasonable societal dictates. Why must we put unrealistic expectations on members of our society?

Let’s close in on the subject of marriage. Yes, marriage is a good thing, leads to procreation, safeguards the continuity of our societies. But are the ultimatums necessary? “You must be married by age ….” If a member of society managed to get married, there is another expectation; “You must have your first baby by…” Have your first child, and “you must have a second baby by…”! Oh dear! Is this all necessary?

Imagine entering into some relationship and later realizing that the character of the person in question was a NO-NO for the next step of marriage. Most people would simply ignore the visible signs, tie the knot with this incompatible person, even have kids, then potentially eventually divorce their partner, and have a broken home because apparently, society claims that the devil you know is better than an angel you don’t know.  And all because society tells us to hurry up and get married. Is this what society wants? A cycle of many broken homes? Is this what we want ?

Why not leave people to have their own personal expectations for their own lives, have individual plans for their lives, assess life’s situations on their own terms, take their time and make decisions which resonate with their individual unique purposes, while relying on God’s grace for the rest? Societal dictates for the most part just lead to a difficult life, untold suffering, a lack of purpose, avoidable mistakes, and an unfulfilled life.

So the next time you are tempted to follow the pressures set by society again, think again.